school or work? lack of money is hurting my marriage yet again. we're both students and my husband works. the thing is: he is failing his classes because he works a lot and doesn't have time to do his homework. my parents think he should support me because he should "be a man and support his wife". i think that's ridiculous. before we got married my parents promised me that they would support me through school. but the thing is, they aren't really doing that. my husbands works his ass off at minimum wage and supports both of us and there isnt enough money. My parents just argue among themselves as to who should contribute some money. they are SO adamant that they dont want to support him, so they just give us like 20 bucks and it a day. I already know that if i were to get a job (very hard to do because of my school schedule) i would definitely fail my classes, just like my husband. But if i don't work, i feel horrible getting to stay home while he works nonstop, and then using his money for my food. what should i do? should i just quit school and start working? should only one of us go to school while the other one works? if so, who should it be??7

I don't mean to should rude or mean, but did the 2 of you discuss this before you got married? It is hard going to school and working. But, maybe you should have waited, until after you got out of school to get married. It realy is not your parents responsibity to support you in your married life.

ok point taken but here we are, we can't go back to the past. we need to figure out what to do at this point in time.

Ok, can either one of you cut back on your class schedule, and go to work while the other does a full schedule? I know it may take one of you a little longer, but is that a choice?

well the thing is the less classes we take, the less financial aid money we will get. but yea we could do that next semester

I understand your point. What about weekend work Is it possible to work more on the weekends? Or on days that you might not have a full class schedule? I am sorry you are having problems. I am just throwing out ideas.

i would be thrilled to get a weekends job but i have no idea where i would find that. i dont know why but in my area, everyone is saying that they are not hiring right now. when i apply i give them my schedule of available time, and there no 8-hour or even 6-hour blocks available for a whole shift. i guess it's just a bad time to be looking for a weekends job

Yes, it is. Even fast food joints aren't hiring. Suggestion, any place that has 3rd shift on the weekend? Warehouse?

Oh, I have a couple of other suggestions. Put an ad in jobs wanted here on CL. Maybe weekend housekeeping, senior citizen sitting. Dog walking?

ok, should i be going to strangers' houses alone to clean though? i had a neighbor the other day knock on my door and ask if i wanted to buy a parakeet for $5, a grown man. i told the truth, that i only have 10 cents in my bank account, but if he wanted i was making burgers later and he could have one. a grown man trying to get $5. it was sad.

A hereo is what you were for offering a burger to that man. All people should try, if they can, to be a little bit of a hereo to someone else. Things in our little world are going to get worse before it gets better. You are a nice person.

@ 18.9% Unemployment, that is no surprise

hey there was a good resource in there! there is something ed "worknet" to help people find jobs! thanks!

^ help a veternarian; they always need PT help.

^ separate Until you figure it out.

^ agree; it's either work or school Maybe you two should separate for a while, let him get his head together and get the in-laws/parents out of the mix.

realistic answer Okay, first of all good for you for trying to get an education that will lead to a better future for you both. It is hard to be married, and as we all know financial stress doesn't make it any easier. That said, I have two pieces of advice that I would follow if I were you.. 1) talk with your husband about your financial situationn. lay it all out on the table. figure out what is coming in and NAME every penny of it so that you know where it is going. No surprises, no impulse buying, adult/responsible decision making for your money. Financial Peace University...(Dave Ramsey at daveramsey.com)...has a very easy plan for doing that all laid out for you if you need help with it. You can also pick up the book "Total Money Makeover" which has the budget layout in it. If you are spending more than you are making you have to make some changes. You may have to cut back and live on "beans and weenies" for a while, but the end result will be so worth it. 2) get a job. I agree with the previous post that your parents aren't responsible for you or your chosen life. It was nice of them to offer, but in these economic times, it may be a strain on them. If you are adult enough to be married, you need to be adult enough to make decisions that will be good for you, your husband and your future family. This is long term and your parents won't always be there. And your husband shouldn't have to do it all on his own...this is 2009 not 1950. If you are going with the 1950's he needs to support me mentality then you really don't need an education...right?! Good luck.

I agree. That is a GREAT POST

And more suggestion... If your young, both get jobs, if there are any at all, and give up school for now. I don't know what your studying, but unless it's in the medical profession (there are tons of jobs offered in that field here in Florida), it may not matter what degree you have, you may not find a position. You can go back to schoolanytime in your life. Get loans or grants later on, but if you need to survive, work comes first. Or...change your major to something in the medical field and fast. That's where the money is now. And NOW is what you have to be concerned with if you want to save your marraige and survive.

i am in my first year so i dont see how planning to go into the medical feild will help me right now.

one other thing One option may be to trade off. One of you work while the other hits school hard and get it done as quick as possible...with the commitment that the other will go back the sememster after graduation... Oh, and there are jobs out there, you just don't have the option to be picky and may have to get your hands dirty to make what you can (which is better than what you are making now, right?).

Have you tried getting a job at the school.

i have to wait until i am approved in a month, then i can apply for school jobs

And for God's sake, don't have any kids yet That will absolutely ruin every chance or opportunity that life might have sent your way. Leave having kids for after you both establish careers.

definitely our plan!!

i couldnt agree more with you.

you're right it may not help now, but you both may have to consider leaving school to support yourself if that's your biggest concern. You have to eat and keep a roof over your head if your folks are unable to help.

^ good answer Or they can go to a junior college instead of a university.

that is what we are doing